Brutkey

Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

And everyone in the theatre stood up and applauded and a pregnant woman immediately gave birth and the baby came out applauding and then all the seats in the theatre came to life so they could applaud too and the tips of my fingers grew little hands of their own so they could applaud too and they themselves grew little hands on the tip of each tiny finger and we applauded and applauded and applauded until someone stopped applauding and they were dragged away and shot #Melania #USpol

Five stars A fantastic flick, our theater was sold out and erupted in applause and cheers at the end of the show. Melania is a wonderful human, a class act and America is blessed she is once again our First Lady. This behind the scenes sneak peek was so well done and such a wonderful watch. A must see.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

The Irish Times #Melania #USpol

THE IRISH TIMES Film Review Melania review: Shameless propaganda that could put you to sleep If this supposed documentary weren't about what it's actually about, it could at times play as an unlikely meditation aid THE IRISH TIMES If one was being polite one might explain the film was made with the full co- operation of producer Mrs M Trump (who allegedly trousered a fair whack of Amazon's 40 big ones). If one was being less compliant one would describe Ratner's project as shameless propaganda. But not active, forceful propaganda in the school of Leni Riefenstahl's films about the Nazis. Melania: The Movie appears keener on inducing narcolepsy in its viewers than energising them into massed marching. Triumph of the Dull, perhaps.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

You gotta pump those numbers down those are rookie numbers.

Reminder that this would literally be 0% but for Evgeny Lebedev’s Standard. #Melania #USpol

MELANIA Melania PG, Now Playing, Documentary 6% Tomatometer 16 Reviews
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

Fuck me, the Standard has actually REVISED ITS REVIEW, knocked a star off the original four-star rating, and is corncobbing wildly. Look at this shit. #Melania #USpol

Three stars The reviews have been scathing, of course they have. There are film critics out there who would have slated a documentary by and about Melania Trump if it had been filmed by Jean Luc Godard -who, incidentally, is the subject of an alternative cinematic offer this weekend. But for those who complain of two hours of boredom, may I just refer them to the title of the documentary, Melania? And to the giveaway detail that she is co-producer?The issue is there, upfront. If you don't like Melania Trump - or, more probably, Donald Trump-to the point where seeing lots of her and some of him is actually a neuralgic thing, this may not be for you. But for those who accept what it's bout - Melania, curated by Melania (this may be mostly political nerds) it's rather fascinating. It's a bid by a woman who This is a very poorly edited paragraph which has lots of missing spaces and other errors, emphasising the stage of corncob being witnessed.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

#Melania #USpol

Logan Roy saying You are not serious film critics
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

One of those insightful audience reviews from someone who HASN’T BEEN TO THE CINEMA IN A DECADE. #Melania #USpol

TH Tara H @TaraHart24 - 13h ••. ****• This is the first movie l've gone to watch in the theater in 10 years. I thought getting to see a little glimpse into her personal life was great. The first 30 minutes were a little more staged than I'd prefer. It seemed like it was the successful version of what Megan Markle was trying but failed to do. Once the inauguration started it was a lot more entertaining.I loved getting to see it from her point of view. The only thing I wish I got to see was an even more 'real' side of her. The one that's sitting in sweats and a robe in the morning while watching the news but given how awful Hollywood and the left is to her I get why she couldn't. Otherwise I really enjoyed it. Worth the watch. See Less
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

Imagine nothing compelling you to go out to the cinema for 10 years but being dragged from your cinematic coffin by the fucking #Melania documentary, Jesus Christ. This fandom is both unhinged and cringe as anything. #USpol

Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

Please note that this review is being written by a creative: writer, pianist, singer,
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol

KM Karen M @KathyHarris • 15h ••• * * * * * As a creative-writer, pianist, singer, perfectionist, lover of classical music and art-l found Melania unexpectedly moving. The documentary opens her inner sanctum, and in doing so, created a quiet sense of sisterhood. I didn't see a distant public figure; I saw someone achingly real-like watching your sister on her wedding day or hearing your daughter's name called at graduation. There she is. Her elegance is unmistakable, yet the vulnerability is what lingers. She is refined without artifice, reserved yet deeply expressive. The film is not about Donald Trump-au contraire. It feels more like peering into the private life of a royal from afar, and realizing with pride: she is my First Lady. It has been a long time since young women-and grown ones -had a woman of such standalone strength to admire. Her quiet power rivals that of any great woman who has ever held a throne. Highly recommend, regardless of political persuasion. See Less
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

Can you provide some more examples of “a classical art” please Monique? #Melania #USpol

B Monique 16h • •• * * * * *Verified It was a classical art just like our FLOTUS ! Very touching and inspirational and shows the soul of MELANIA
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

A second positive review has hit the #Melania rottentomatoes rating. It’s by the Epoch Times. What the fuck is the Epoch Times, you ask? Well…

Also, lol, “warmth and compassion”, and they chose that photo.

#USpol

=Q THE EPOCH BRIGHT TIMES DOCUMENTARY REVIEW 'Melania: Our Stunning First Lady Radiating Warmth and Compassion A behind-the-scenes look at the three weeks leading up to the second Trump inauguration. Picture of Melania looking exactly as cold and compassionless as ever. MELANIA Melania PG, Now Playing, Documentary 12% Tomatometer 17 Reviews The Epoch Times opposes the Chinese Communist Party, [15][16][121 promotes far-right politicians and movements in Europe, 1171118][121 and has supported President Donald Trump in the U.S. 191120] A 2019 report by NBC News showed it to be the second- largest funder of pro-Trump Facebook advertising after the Trump campaign itself. 131121][12] The Epoch Times frequently runs stories promoting other Falun Gong-affiliated groups, such as the performing arts company Shen Yun.['9||22][23] The Epoch Media Group's news sites and YouTube channels have promoted conspiracy theories such as QAnon, the Great Replacement, anti-vaccine misinformation and false claims of fraud in the 2020 United States presidential election.' 1301 In June 2024, the group's chief financial officer, Bill Guan, was indicted for money laundering. [31] The Epoch Times is a far-right!!! international multi- language newspaper and media company affiliated with the Falun Gong new religious movement. 91[10] [1111121 The newspaper, based in New York City, is part of the Epoch Media Group, which also operates New Tang Dynasty (NTD) Television. 3] The Epoch Times has websites in 35 countries but is blocked in mainland China. 14]
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

In case you think this is a purely political division, it‘s worth noting that even a shallow right wing rag with a readership of ancient bigots like the Daily Express gave #Melania a negative review.

#USpol

Melania review: Painfully stiff Trump puff piece is all style and no substance Melania Melania review. The First Lady's documentary film is a dull vanity project with few new insights.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

The audience really enjoyed the scenes of #Melania filmed with a tiny surgical camera.

#USpol

Rebecca 18h * * * * *Verified Great glimpse into FLOTUS! Beautifully done. ••• DEBRA 1h * * * * *Verified What a beautiful woman inside and out! L lex 22h Nicely done. Excellent peaks inside!! Daniel B 22h • •• * * * * *Verified It is interesting to see behind the curtain. Well product and entertaining.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

One (brown) star from Empire. #Melania #USpol

EMPIRE An obsequious, ring-kissing portrait of the current US administration, dressed in gauche, glossy reality-TV clothing. And yet somehow still better than Rush Hour 3.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

I’m non-biased: I don’t have an opinion on fascism and genocide, and I willingly paid money to watch a dull documentary about a fascist’s moll picking an outfit.

Also “Quincy”: “pretty good” is not a five star rating. #Melania #USpol

Quincy * * * * *Verified Being non-biased, It was pretty good.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

#Melania now has a “Verified Hot” status based on audience reviews.

It appears you need 500 verified user ratings to get to that status. To post a verified review, you need to book a ticket through the Fandango app (sounds like a swizz, but bear with).

You don’t have to turn up and watch the movie. The average cost of a cinema ticket in the US is $11.

If you wanted to post 500 five star verified reviews, it would cost you $5,500.

#USpol

Tomatometer All Critics Top Critics 11% 19 Reviews 2 Fresh 17 Rotten Popcornmeter Verified Audience Rotten Tomatoes 99% 500+ Verified Ratings 4.9 out of 5 Rating
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

I’m not saying they needed to do this. You also could just tell pro-Trump Facebook groups to book in this way and leave a 5-star rating and they’d do it, because they’re a bunch of hateful zombie fascist pricks with broken souls.

This is likely to be especially successful for a film where no-one who is not a zombie fascist prick with a broken soul (or a paid film critic) would ever contemplate spending money to watch such shite.

#Melania #USpol

Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

That is not how film reviews work. This is the type of person who gives a book a one star review on Amazon because the courier left the parcel in the bushes.

I mean it’s not how feminism works either, but one lesson at a time, eh? #Melania #USpol

JAN 31, 2026 10 yurieu I voted 10 because I'm a feminist. The misogynists critics rated it ZERO because she's a woman. It's impossible to rate a movie ZERO. Zero means the cinema projector failed and the movie didn't play.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

This Sean Burns review has some observations about the audience in his screening.

https://northshoremovies.wpcomstaging.com/2026/01/31/review-melania/

#Melania #USpol

I saw "Melania" at four o'clock in the afternoon on opening day at the AMC Assembly Row in Somerville. It was playing in the 12-screen complex's smallest auditorium, all the way in the back, where posters advertised coming attractions "Sisu: Road to Re- venge," "Americana" and "Ella McCay," three films that opened and closed last year. The room was packed near capacity with women in their 50s, audi- bly wine-drunk and unable to keep themselves from making catty comments whenever Joe Biden or any other Democrats appeared onscreen. There were only two males besides myself in the theater, one wearing an American flag patch on his jacket the way motorcycle gangs wear their colors, the other with a shaved head and the thumb-shaped proportions of guys who make front-facing camera videos in their pickup trucks. I didn't ask them how they liked the movie, but the whole place did applaud when the Bidens' helicopter left after the inauguration. Going to see "Mela- nia" was clearly a pilgrimage of sorts for these people, their way of "owning the libs." They seemed happy to have been suckered, the President once again fleec- ing his followers with the multiplex edition of Trump's NFTs or the Trump Bible. I know every- thing's a grift all the way down, but you'd think peo- ple would see through something this contemptu- ously slapdash. There's more than one scene in the movie where everyone just stands around watching TV. The porcine Ratner can be glimpsed on the mar- gins of the action, and is sometimes heard shouting obsequious comments from out of frame. ("Congrat- ulations, Mr. President!") He's often pointing a Super 8 camera, from which we occasionally see the jerky, unfocused footage. At least Leni Riefenstahl could frame a shot Zero out of five
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

For those who are still interested, which I cannot imagine is many of you, the RottenTomatoes score is down to 8% and they are still yet to list a bunch of negative reviews like the Empire one.

In the meantime here’s the New Yorker, GQ and Cinerama. #Melania #USpol

GQ Melania May Go Down in History as One of the Least Revealing Documentaries Ever Made But if you've never watched the First Lady get on and off a plane, Brett Ratner's got a movie for you. By Vince Mancini February 2, 2026 Melania (review) - media like this, that is so unashamedly propagandistic, needs to be called out for what it is 2nd February 2026 • by Calum Cooper Melania is shambolic, putrid, pitiful garbage: A brazen, awkward, irredeemable infomercial that ignores truth and scrutiny in favour of performative humility. It's not just wretched - it's offensive to the collective intelligence of the human race. No stars Avoid THE NEW YORKER "MELANIA" IS A FORTY- MILLION-DOLLAR JOURNEY INTO THE VOID The First Lady's lavish new documentary portrays world events as B-roll between wardrobe changes. By Lauren Collins February 2, 2026