Brutkey

Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

#Melania now has a “Verified Hot” status based on audience reviews.

It appears you need 500 verified user ratings to get to that status. To post a verified review, you need to book a ticket through the Fandango app (sounds like a swizz, but bear with).

You don’t have to turn up and watch the movie. The average cost of a cinema ticket in the US is $11.

If you wanted to post 500 five star verified reviews, it would cost you $5,500.

#USpol

Tomatometer All Critics Top Critics 11% 19 Reviews 2 Fresh 17 Rotten Popcornmeter Verified Audience Rotten Tomatoes 99% 500+ Verified Ratings 4.9 out of 5 Rating
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

I’m not saying they needed to do this. You also could just tell pro-Trump Facebook groups to book in this way and leave a 5-star rating and they’d do it, because they’re a bunch of hateful zombie fascist pricks with broken souls.

This is likely to be especially successful for a film where no-one who is not a zombie fascist prick with a broken soul (or a paid film critic) would ever contemplate spending money to watch such shite.

#Melania #USpol

Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

That is not how film reviews work. This is the type of person who gives a book a one star review on Amazon because the courier left the parcel in the bushes.

I mean it’s not how feminism works either, but one lesson at a time, eh? #Melania #USpol

JAN 31, 2026 10 yurieu I voted 10 because I'm a feminist. The misogynists critics rated it ZERO because she's a woman. It's impossible to rate a movie ZERO. Zero means the cinema projector failed and the movie didn't play.
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

This Sean Burns review has some observations about the audience in his screening.

https://northshoremovies.wpcomstaging.com/2026/01/31/review-melania/

#Melania #USpol

I saw "Melania" at four o'clock in the afternoon on opening day at the AMC Assembly Row in Somerville. It was playing in the 12-screen complex's smallest auditorium, all the way in the back, where posters advertised coming attractions "Sisu: Road to Re- venge," "Americana" and "Ella McCay," three films that opened and closed last year. The room was packed near capacity with women in their 50s, audi- bly wine-drunk and unable to keep themselves from making catty comments whenever Joe Biden or any other Democrats appeared onscreen. There were only two males besides myself in the theater, one wearing an American flag patch on his jacket the way motorcycle gangs wear their colors, the other with a shaved head and the thumb-shaped proportions of guys who make front-facing camera videos in their pickup trucks. I didn't ask them how they liked the movie, but the whole place did applaud when the Bidens' helicopter left after the inauguration. Going to see "Mela- nia" was clearly a pilgrimage of sorts for these people, their way of "owning the libs." They seemed happy to have been suckered, the President once again fleec- ing his followers with the multiplex edition of Trump's NFTs or the Trump Bible. I know every- thing's a grift all the way down, but you'd think peo- ple would see through something this contemptu- ously slapdash. There's more than one scene in the movie where everyone just stands around watching TV. The porcine Ratner can be glimpsed on the mar- gins of the action, and is sometimes heard shouting obsequious comments from out of frame. ("Congrat- ulations, Mr. President!") He's often pointing a Super 8 camera, from which we occasionally see the jerky, unfocused footage. At least Leni Riefenstahl could frame a shot Zero out of five
Nick
@Nickiquote@mstdn.social

For those who are still interested, which I cannot imagine is many of you, the RottenTomatoes score is down to 8% and they are still yet to list a bunch of negative reviews like the Empire one.

In the meantime here’s the New Yorker, GQ and Cinerama. #Melania #USpol

GQ Melania May Go Down in History as One of the Least Revealing Documentaries Ever Made But if you've never watched the First Lady get on and off a plane, Brett Ratner's got a movie for you. By Vince Mancini February 2, 2026 Melania (review) - media like this, that is so unashamedly propagandistic, needs to be called out for what it is 2nd February 2026 • by Calum Cooper Melania is shambolic, putrid, pitiful garbage: A brazen, awkward, irredeemable infomercial that ignores truth and scrutiny in favour of performative humility. It's not just wretched - it's offensive to the collective intelligence of the human race. No stars Avoid THE NEW YORKER "MELANIA" IS A FORTY- MILLION-DOLLAR JOURNEY INTO THE VOID The First Lady's lavish new documentary portrays world events as B-roll between wardrobe changes. By Lauren Collins February 2, 2026