Brutkey

Low Quality Facts
@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social
Low Quality Facts
@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

Oh no, RFK Jr. saw this post and has now banned beards, citing his concerns of a possible mummy chin outbreak. I am sorry for the harm my silliness has caused.

Low Quality Facts
@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Buck Yeah Hemp Beard Bundle. Gentlemen, please remember to moisturize your beards. Most men forget to do this and when they finally shave, their chins are mummified. Mummy chin is a serious concern. I did not just make it up.
https://collabs.shop/hibn4l

A trio of Buck YEAH brand hemp beard care products: a round tin of Hemp Beard Balm, a large glass jar of Hemp Beard Cream, and a small dropper bottle of Hemp Beard Oil. Each product features a cream-colored label with a black logo of a stylized bearded face.
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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

That explains a lot.

The New York Mets are owned by the Now York Yankees. They often hire athletes who have never played baseball before to make the Yankees look better by comparison.
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Reports indicate that ICE is withdrawing from Minnesota. Insiders tell us the agency was forced to retreat after Gregory Bovino was carried away by a small hawk that mistook him for a chihuahua.

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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

MAGA guy noticing his wife packing lunch for the kids: Holy shit I am married to a highly trained ANTIFA sleeper agent.

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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

I want a cheese bunker.

Every home in Switzerland has an underground bunker. They were originally constructed in fear of nuclear war, but now most of them are used to store cheese.
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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

The past few days have been especially rough for anyone with a fully functioning heart and soul, so please take a moment to enjoy Ruby posing on her new scratching board.

A gray and white tuxedo cat sits inside an empty, ornate gold picture frame that is propped up on a colorful patterned rug. The cat's tail drapes over the bottom edge of the frame, and a holiday-themed painting of a snowy village with a lit Christmas tree is visible in the background behind the cat, creating the illusion of a 3D portrait.
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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

If anyone claims to be mad at the government but their tummy does not hurt then you can and should assume they are an undercover fed.

Low Quality Facts
@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this "My tummy hurts and I'm mad at the government" Pin. Same kid, same.
https://collabs.shop/l9qjk8

A circular enamel pin featuring a cartoon girl with messy red hair and tired, dark-circled eyes. She wears an orange shirt and a green backpack. Around the border, bold black text reads: "MY TUMMY HURTS AND I'M MAD AT THE GOVERNMENT."
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@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

I must be unlucky.

The average avocado will stay ripe on your kitchen counter for three months.