Fesshole 🧻
Fesshole 🧻At training for my sons new football team, I went to say 'bye to the coach. I went for the hand shake, he went for the fist bump, and we ended up in an awkward hand grab mess. That was five days ago and it's bothered me every day since. I'm not sure I can go back. Sorry, son.
Fesshole 🧻In the Brownies they told us to never hide under tress in a storm because of lightning. As a grumpy middle-aged woman, I like sitting in the branches of tress during storms. I have yet to be struck by lightning.
Fesshole 🧻In the mid-90s before home internet became a thing, I used to wank over a photo of Michelangelo's statue of David that I found on Microsoft Encarta as it was the only naked photo I could find
Fesshole 🧻I count the number of cars that don't let me out of my road in the mornings, I then take it out on that exact number of other cars by not letting them out or giving way. It's my small way of getting even.
Fesshole 🧻I started a stopwatch timer on my phone to cook a pizza for 15 minutes... 3 years ago. I didn't stop it after, and haven't done so since. I'm genuinely scared to do so now, and I don't understand why.
Fesshole 🧻I've just ate a microwave meal out my freezer which expired 9 years ago. Currently still fine.
Fesshole 🧻A girl at uni gave me a Christmas card in which she professed her love for me. Asked if I opened it later, to which I responded yes and carried on. Didn't actually open it until many years later. Gutted, she was lovely.
Fesshole 🧻Until I joined online dating I had absolutely no idea how bad people's reading comprehension level could be. They're short prompts with easy words and still people can't read them. On the plus side I've ruled out all the men in my area because of it. So there's that.
Fesshole 🧻We have biscuits at work, the problem is I eat them all so I end up having to buy more to replace them to stop people thinking I'm a fat git, but then I eat them all again, it's a vicious cycle. Yesterday I even bought one packet for the office and one for me. I ate them both.
Fesshole 🧻As a child, I used to imagine that I was driving a bus every time I rode my bike. I had imaginary routes, and I picked up tiny passengers. I continued to imagine this well into adulthood.