Brutkey

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

OMG! Mortician's dress at the beginning of Wednesday S2:E1 is 🔥🔥🔥

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

I now have a tortilla press, 5 lb of masa, a couple cans of green chilies and a pork butt. Taco Tuesday is coming! 😋 🌮

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

Absolutely exhausted today.

I've been having a lot of trouble regulating the last few weeks. Yesterday was the first day all week where I really felt like I was running at anything close to capacity. But I was running on 7 hours of sleep and then proceeded to work for 13 hours. It was great. I got a lot done. Today I'm paying for it. 😩

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

Some days I'm like "I'm not all that feminine. I'm certainly not a girly girl".

A friend: "What movies did you watch during surgery recovery?"

Me: Rattles off the girliest list of movies and TV shows imaginable.

Okay, so maybe I'm more of a girly girl than I thought. 😂

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

No, it's the end of the world as you know it. I feel fine.

#ContradictASongLyric

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

OH: Straight privilege is that you can marry a man in any country in the world. Lesbian privilege is that you don't have to.

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

My favorite bit of body fat right now is the little layer in my lower abdomen below the panty line. It's not much and it's taken a long time to build up but it's just enough now that it blends into my belly some and makes my belly fat look less like a beer gut and more like a woman who has a little in the tummy.

It doesn't completely eliminate my belly fat dysphoria but it's been helping a lot. Between that and my hips coming in, I've mostly switched from "OMG! I hate my belly. It makes me look like a dude!" to a simpler "I should get on a treadmill and try to lose this but, hey, at least I don't look like a dude!"

It's the little things... 💜

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

IDK what all is going on right now but I'm going through a lot at the moment. One of those things is this weird shift in my self-perception and, I think, the way I move through the world.

Growing into a woman is a disorienting experience. For cis girls, there's a point at which people stop perceiving them at little girls and start to see them as young women. It's not instantaneous. There's not one particular day when you can say "today she's a woman but yesterday she was a girl." Several cultures have ceremonies to that effect but it's always a made up distinction. Instead, it happens over the course of a year or two. And it's not just the way other people perceive you, either. Your clothes start to fit differently, your body looks, acts, and smells different. You experiment with different ways of presenting. While it can be fun and exciting, for many those years are also really confusing and often traumatic. Or at least that's what I've been told...

I think I'm going through something similar. I see a girl in the mirror most days now. Even when I see my full body, it reads as feminine to me. And not just that, but a mature sort of feminine. I'm growing into a woman. As much as I've dreamed of this and wanted it and worked so hard for it, now that it's happening, it's really kinda disorienting. Like, who is this person? Who's body is this that I'm now inhabiting? I like it but wow...

And it's not just physical, either. My whole demeanor has changed since a few years ago and I think others are starting to pick up on it. I had a random stranger ask if I was single on the street the other day. For all I know it was on a bet but, still, the street was crowded and he had to pick someone. It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't seen me and thought I was a datable. Some of my male co-workers open doors for me. The women I work with treat me as one of their own.

I'm starting to realize that some of the problems I experience at work are gender related, too. I'm not sure if I want to say it's really sexism but it's definitely a case of a woman in a world of men. And I just don't have the patience for the bullshit.

It's all... Strange. Disorienting. I find myself dissociating in new ways because it's all so unfamiliar to me.

I knew this day would come. In fact, I would daydream about it pre-transition. But now that is here... IDK. It kinda sucks, actually. Not that I'm having regrets or anything. I'm not. But it's hard to even know what's going on, much less to navigate it.

And at the same time as all this, Ashley seems to be stirring again. I don't know for sure, but they feel like they could be related. Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking but I feel like on the verge of something big again. What? I'm not sure. I can just feel something bubbling up from deep in my subconscious and I'm bracing myself for it.

Anyway, that's all I've got. No conclusions today, I'm afraid. Just a lot of vague feelings that I can't really put into words. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

Little reminder that "I don't like the vibe" is a perfectly valid reason to not be friends with someone or to not be part of some group or community.

In fact, it's one of the best reasons. It's often far better than anything which ends with "I think they're bad people".

In that Western mindset, we feel the need to justify these things to sate our RSD or whatever. "Those people are having fun. Why aren't I having fun with them?" But, if you think, even subconsciously, that only "those are bad people" is a valid reason to not like someone or not like a group, what you end up doing is making up offenses to be mad about. That's not fair to them and, honestly, is not fair to yourself, either, because it cements your dislike to the point where it may destroy relationships or prevent them in the future.

If it's not your vibe, it's not your vibe. Just move on.

Faith 🧋:v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace:
@faithisleaping@anarres.family

Sometimes I complain about work. And some days I really love my co-workers. 💜

This morning, after I got out of my first meeting, one of the other women who works in the office with me ran over to my desk, excited to show me something on her phone. She pulled up a picture her husband took off a pride display at one of the malls near our office. They had a big progress pride heart and this cool dangling rainbow chandelier thing hanging in the main atrium, probably 3 stories high. It was pretty cool.

But you know what was really cool? How genuinely excited she was to share it with me. It wasn't because she was just trying to win ally points. It was because, even though she's 100% straight AFAIK, she loves seeing pride celebrated and she wanted me to see it and be encouraged, too.

It can be hard to tell with some people but sometimes you have a moment where you can see it plain as day. She's a real one. 💜