Brutkey

Nick Poole
@North@chaos.social

mh+

Some of you may remember that I posted a map some time ago showing how much my world had effectively shrunk since my burnout-induced agoraphobic relapse in 2023. Well, I've been working to push that boundary back out again, and I've had a lot of success lately spending more time farther from the house. I'm also spending less time in general dealing with health anxiety symptoms. I have new old problems, though. I'm functional enough that other issues are resurfacing, but...

Nick Poole
@North@chaos.social

...it's kind of refreshing to have slightly more normal problems. My top priority is still reacclimating to being away from the house.

A close second at this point, however, is finding a healthy relationship with work. As it stands, I tend to stay locked into a weekly cycle of procrastination followed by cramming, which wrecks my sleep and makes me self-conscious about the quality of my work. On top of that, the poor sleep makes me feel dumber and worsens the work procrastination.

Nick Poole
@North@chaos.social

This is something that's always been a problem for me. I need some amount of time pressure in order to function, but too much time pressure and I just shut down altogether. As it stands, I spend most of my day in a sort of ADHD paralysis and have to dedicate entire days to either "work" or "not work," which means I spend most of my time doing things that I don't really want to do but also feeling guilty for not being productive.

Nick Poole
@North@chaos.social

It feels good, however, to be able to see that problem again from where I am. It's like I've climbed back up to the cliff edge that I fell off of and now I can spend some cycles trying to figure out how to prevent doing it again.