kind of wild that being illegally discriminated against didn't cause meltdown, but being five pixels too narrow and three pixels too short on my Wplace drawing is worthy of a shutdown. the fuck?
landlord: oh you're on government assistance? yeah this rental property i was so stoked to get you into on very short notice isn't yours anymore, fuck off
my brain: lol what a clown. ok loser, whatever lol
my art: only a couple pixels off but generally looks alright
my brain: this is a fucking tragedy on par with 9/11. sound the alarms, time for a meltdown.
kind of wild that being illegally discriminated against didn't cause meltdown, but being five pixels too narrow and three pixels too short on my Wplace drawing is worthy of a shutdown. the fuck?
lol wplace is down now so i wouldn't be surprised if i end up losing interest with the dollshape teto and just look at other people's art.
what a useless exercise in futility.
mh-
i don't even want to finish the wplace teto anymore. looking at it just reminds me about my shitty brain not letting me do anything without reminding me that it's broken.
i hate this.
working on bigger pixel art projects on WPlace has me thinking i might have a mild form of dyscalculia, maybe? I was pretty good at geometry in math class, but as soon as equations without any visualizations popped up, my brain goes blank.
i keep losing my place in space when copying the pixel art i've made and transferring it to WPlace, miscounting how many pixels to the left or right. is this dyscalculia? or is it something else?
like, there is a pretty big difference between the original and the WPlace version. Judging by Teto's elbow, it seems to be a few pixels off horizontally and a couple pixels off vertically. sure, mistakes can happen, but i was pretty meticulous in making sure I was counting properly. This skewing really shouldn't have happened the way it did.
i don't know. this is making me feel so fucking incapable. i know it's just a drawing with pixels or whatever, but it feels so emblematic of the problems i deal with daily. memory problems, errors in counting, eyesight issues... fuckin... i can't do shit, can i
working on bigger pixel art projects on WPlace has me thinking i might have a mild form of dyscalculia, maybe? I was pretty good at geometry in math class, but as soon as equations without any visualizations popped up, my brain goes blank.
i keep losing my place in space when copying the pixel art i've made and transferring it to WPlace, miscounting how many pixels to the left or right. is this dyscalculia? or is it something else?
Howdy! My name is Hoot, a.k.a. Stryx, Hoot_OS, Amity, et al.
I'm a queer & disabled activist from rural Saskatchewan, Canada who launched a queer movement from scratch in my hometown.
I'm also music producer, 3D artist, graphic designer, broadcast engineer and livestreamer. I'm making Dollshape, a traumacore multimedia vocaloid project featuring Kasane Teto in doll form.
I might also be known for my punk remix of Antonymph by Vylet Pony, which is probably my most popular project to date. I'm also known in the sim racing community as Stryx or Amity, depending on whether I'm broadcasting/commentating a race or participating in one.
Here, have a Dollshape comic. :3
nsfw (sexual reference)
BIGGER.
me, 15 years ago: "yall, i think i'm gay"
me, now, with 3 transfem partners: "i am gay, but not in the way you expect"
cw: religion, mormonism
From here, I've had further thoughts about spirituality and religion. What purpose would following a particular religion serve? Should I even bother searching for a religion that fits my beliefs, or should I stay a Satanic atheist? Rituals matter, we all do them, but do I need to make my rituals religious in nature? Or can I just let them be agnostic rituals?
Furthermore, if I was to believe in a higher power... who would that be? what would they ask from me? what would I be willing to give them in return? would I want a transactional god, or a giving god? would I want a god who sees my queerness, my genderfreakery, and say "YAS QUEEN SLAYYYYYYYY"?
I'm still a Satanic atheist. Even so, I still think back to that conversation. Not to mull over anything the Mormons said because they were well out of their depths with me, but to mull over the things i said. Would I be considered a eunuch? Would my desire for bottom surgery be seen as a sacrifice? A challenge I have overcome? Or would it be seen by my hypothetical god as a natural consequence of my innate state of being, my innate humanity, and celebrate that?
It makes me feel really nice to believe that the God I once feared was nothing to be afraid of at all.
cw: religion, mormonism
The conversation ended amicably, and they walked away as I walked back into the house.
I never sought to change their minds, I only wanted to poke at my own. I was given an opportunity to ponder religion with religious folk, and use their responses as a railroad switch to push my train of thought into different directions and see what happens.
Nothing they said was really interesting to me, but the thoughts that sprang up in my mind were. Very much so.
Still a Satanic atheist, by the way. It was just fun to take an honest look at my own feelings about religion after having spent so long pushing it away and burying it.
And in a weird way, it felt like... closure. I'm not exactly sure why, but that's the feeling I'm getting.
Hoot_OS [v.31]