Fesshole 🧻
@fesshole@mastodon.social
Someone on the train has just answered a call with "Sorry, I can't speak, I'm on a train". For a moment I thought the carriage was going to break into applause for them.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: Liverpool, Leicester, Leeds, Sweden (Malmö, GÖTEBORG, STOCKHOLM), also Anon Opin In London / Leicester https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
BOOK(s): https://amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21
Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess
FAQ: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xbmKWlosI_Ac6NMi8PzxupaIH-_twlp4ZGJE961X5wE
PODCAST: https://audioboom.com/channels/5133334-fesshole-the-podcast
Fesshole run/edited by Rob Manuel of http://b3ta.com
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
I'm a model & actress. A few years ago I was hired by an elderly gentleman who was terminally ill to attend his funeral and stand around looking bereft and hot and mysterious. I took the fee but didn't bother going. Hasn't asked for his money back so far.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Managed to introduce "synergistic frictivation" into the company lexicon after using it in a strategy document to test if anyone reads them. Now, senior management uses it in presentations as if it's gospel. Last week, someone suggested we "frictivate our verticals".
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Our cat dragged back a baby rabbit earlier this year. It started a competition with my neighbour. Her cat has accumulated 114 points to my cat's 121. The cats don't know they're competing but we do coo at their kills.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Was heavily into the whole no-branding thing in the 2000s. Never wore clothes with slogans or logos. Eschewed big brands. Bought a dog. Refused to name him. After six months, succumbed to peer pressure and called it Ian. Never responded to it. Just came and went as it pleased.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Once, when we couldn't find the cat's dish, we fed her from a normal plate. I know which plate we used for cat food, and ever since I have avoided using it to eat off myself, even though it's been washed a million times. No qualms with letting the wife & kids eat off it though
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Used to buy my brothers, father & uncles new wallets each Christmas. It's always been a reliable gift for men. But now they all just use their phone to pay. No cards. No cash. I'm sure it's convenient for them but now I have to work out a new standard gift item for male relatives
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Was getting a new washing machine delivered so let the robot vacuum clean the empty spot where it would live. Now there's a permanent bit of the kitchen on his map that he can't access and it makes me feel a bit sad.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Instead of using some of our perfectly good dishwasher-safe knives, my spouse used their special knives that must never go in the machine lest they become dull and then left them on the countertop dirty for a week. Spouse isn't home, so guess what I just put in the dishwasher.