I had a dream where I broke down and said that wished I was cis -- like that I'd actually been a girl, as I was assigned. But it's not true. I'm not a girl -- I wouldn't want to be one -- I'm glad that I'm this nonbinary male-ish thing. I'm even glad I have a vagina, despite it being what caused other people to set me down the wrong path in the first place.
I think that it's easier to wish you were cis, because then you can aim all the anger at yourself, instead of what feels like an intractable monolith of society.
I don't know. My inner voice says things will get better for us trans people. I can't push back against the whole world in the meantime, but I can stand in my own joy to be what I am. I hope it's enough, and that it helps.
I'm gonna tell y'all about how to lock in and get stuff done:
Prioritize joy as much as possible. It won't even feel like that much effort to do that work.
The huge downside of this is that it's completely incompatible with the capitalist reward system.
But I can say that feeding one's soul into the shredder is not the type of strategy anyone looks back on fondly. I've mostly heard the opposite.
My daily life, in two acts:
#catsOfMastodon #Zele #Athina #cats
Just in case anyone out there is wondering whether you should post pictures and reports about your pets, crafts, garden, homemade food, happy relationship, or personal insight while the world is on fire --
The answer is YES, please, keep posting all that stuff!!!
I wanna see more squirrels and squashes. It's not trivial. It's the actual beautiful life we're fighting for. 💜
I had a dream where I broke down and said that wished I was cis -- like that I'd actually been a girl, as I was assigned. But it's not true. I'm not a girl -- I wouldn't want to be one -- I'm glad that I'm this nonbinary male-ish thing. I'm even glad I have a vagina, despite it being what caused other people to set me down the wrong path in the first place.
I think that it's easier to wish you were cis, because then you can aim all the anger at yourself, instead of what feels like an intractable monolith of society.
I don't know. My inner voice says things will get better for us trans people. I can't push back against the whole world in the meantime, but I can stand in my own joy to be what I am. I hope it's enough, and that it helps.
I'm gonna tell y'all about how to lock in and get stuff done:
Prioritize joy as much as possible. It won't even feel like that much effort to do that work.
The huge downside of this is that it's completely incompatible with the capitalist reward system.
But I can say that feeding one's soul into the shredder is not the type of strategy anyone looks back on fondly. I've mostly heard the opposite.
My daily life, in two acts:
#catsOfMastodon #Zele #Athina #cats
And just when you've lost that head-in-a-blender feeling, and think you have it all sorted out, picture a gigantic shrimp-snail.
Many things in Bangkok are a perfect balance of "What the fuck" and "Yes, of course."
Oh, and I gotta say one more thing to explain the malls here.
Don't visualize the typical American mall, with like 3-4 anchor department stores and a bunch of little places, and maybe a movie theater, and the whole thing has that tenuous, trying-to-stay-afloat tenseness.
Try to mentally combine a metro station, the Mall Of America, a flea market, the food avenue of a carnival, a corporate office block, a midrange hotel, and throw in something special like an ice rink or a bowling alley. And pack it full of people of all races and nationalities. And phone cases, soooo many phone cases.
And just when you've lost that head-in-a-blender feeling, and think you have it all sorted out, picture a gigantic shrimp-snail.
I do wanna point out, all the mall shots that are likely to appear in the next few weeks and months aren't me shopping. The main string of malls on Sukhumvit are usually steps from various major SkyTrain stations. Plus they have cheap food courts.
Before I got to Bangkok, I read about the food courts and I was like, why the fuck would you go to a mall just to eat at the food court?
But it's not like America, where getting to a mall is kind of an effort, and so the food there is a bit overpriced. Here, you can walk half a mile down the main road while inside a long chain of malls, and literally hundreds of restaurants and food stalls within them are in competition to be both cheap and actually good food.
Better know exactly what you're trying to find, though. Because just wandering in to any one of these places is an invitation to get seriously lost. I'd say the average American mall is any one of the floors in these buildings. And there are a lot of floors. And a lot of buildings.
Oh, and I gotta say one more thing to explain the malls here.
Don't visualize the typical American mall, with like 3-4 anchor department stores and a bunch of little places, and maybe a movie theater, and the whole thing has that tenuous, trying-to-stay-afloat tenseness.
Try to mentally combine a metro station, the Mall Of America, a flea market, the food avenue of a carnival, a corporate office block, a midrange hotel, and throw in something special like an ice rink or a bowling alley. And pack it full of people of all races and nationalities. And phone cases, soooo many phone cases.
Life lately.
#Bangkok
I do wanna point out, all the mall shots that are likely to appear in the next few weeks and months aren't me shopping. The main string of malls on Sukhumvit are usually steps from various major SkyTrain stations. Plus they have cheap food courts.
Before I got to Bangkok, I read about the food courts and I was like, why the fuck would you go to a mall just to eat at the food court?
But it's not like America, where getting to a mall is kind of an effort, and so the food there is a bit overpriced. Here, you can walk half a mile down the main road while inside a long chain of malls, and literally hundreds of restaurants and food stalls within them are in competition to be both cheap and actually good food.
Better know exactly what you're trying to find, though. Because just wandering in to any one of these places is an invitation to get seriously lost. I'd say the average American mall is any one of the floors in these buildings. And there are a lot of floors. And a lot of buildings.
Life lately.
#Bangkok
I don't know how to say this, so I'll just throw it out there, and hope everyone is merciful about it.
I was hoping to raise about $300 to bolster my living expenses for the next few weeks.
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/erosdiscordia
Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/tmvshek
Venmo: @onychamaze
Having sat down and had a good cry, and listing out what's scaring me about this move & new city and what I can do about it, it would help my mental health so freaking much if I had more of a cushion.
Please donate first to someone in an emergency -- mine is a mental health thing, not life or death.
But it would be a backstop against a lot of the panic (rational and trauma) I have been feeling lately. Any amount helps.
I'm sorry to have to ask. As always, much love and thanks, and boosts are welcome. 
#mutualAid #transMutualAid #crowdfund #crowdfunding #transCrowdFund
I'm so grateful to be able to get them checked out and get this sorted quickly.
I had a full weekend of work projects and now I will be able to concentrate without being full of worries.
How many cats can fit on one chair?!
#caturday #catsOfMastodon #Machendra #Zele #Athina
Mystery Babylon