Notes | Brutkey

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Here’s a poem called ‘Talking Down’.

Talking Down

After having listened to
Richard for twenty-five minutes,
Stifling her yawns as he
Enlightened
Her on the origins
Of the term ‘mansplaining’,
Lisa was finally able to get a word in
Edgeways.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Tickets for two autumn shows have gone on sale today:
Warwick Arts Centre, COVENTRY on 1st Oct: https://www.warwickartscentre.co.uk/whats-on/Un8-brian-bilston-how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/

And an EXTRA DATE for OXFORD on 18th Nov.
31st Oct show has now sold out:
https://thenorthwall.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/873680879

End of Very Important Message

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Here’s a poem called ‘An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem in Praise of the Dictionary’.

An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem
in Praise of the Dictionary

An unfaltering ability to
Bring clarity to the English language
Constitutes your
Defining quality.
Ever since the day we
First met and I
Giggled at the rude words
Hidden amongst your pages,
I adored you,
Jubilant in the
Knowledge that things were
Looking up. You offered me the
Meaning of life,
Not to mention the meaning of all those
Other words, too.
Perfect at settling Scrabble board
Quarrels, your judgement
Reigns supreme. I
Sift you daily, panning for words in
The hope of penning the
Ultimate – the greatest poem this
Vast world has ever seen, but
Whoa, here comes the
X, and oh, alphabet, how could you, I knew
You’d get the better of me
Zooner or later.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Annual reminder of how many days there are in each month.

Mnemonic

Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
Unless a leap year is its fate,
February hath twenty-eight.
All the rest hath three days more,
excepting January,
which hath six thousand,
one hundred and eighty-four.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Here’s a short poem about the power of poetry to change the world.

The Power of Poetry

with things falling apart
and anarchy let loose,

it was only poetry, he found,
which had any use,

so he reached for his copy
of The Complete Works of Yeats

and bludgeoned the President
of the United States

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Good luck to anyone starting the year with a new health regime. Here’s how mine always goes.

My Year in Diets

Veganuary
Fibreuary
Starch
Cakepril
MaycaroniCheese
June&tonic
Julicecream
Augustickytoffeepudding
Septembeer
Octoblerone
Doughvember
Decemburger

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

Here’s a poem called ‘My Unbearable Politeness of Being’.

My Unbearable Politeness of Being

It's the same dilemma
every year, I find,
upon meeting a person
for the first time,

for how long
does wishing them
a Happy New Year
remain de rigueur?

Perhaps I blow things
out of proportion
but I tend to err
on the side of caution

so I've always
Happy New Year-ed
until October the Third.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

I’m reading some poems this year in places I’ve never been to before (as well as some I have). Tickets and more info to be found here: https://brianbilston.com/events/

A poster for my Autumn 2026 Tour, ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’.
It features me, my late cat and a list of my tour dates:

23-Sep Monmouth
24-Sep Aberystwyth
25-Sep Cardigan
26-Sep Winchester
27-Sep Guildford
30-Sep Harpenden
01-Oct Coventry
02-Oct Darwen
04-Oct Malton
07-Oct Croydon
08-Oct Deal
09-Oct Norwich
10-Oct Colchester
14-Oct Loughborough
15-Oct Manchester
16-Oct Ulverston
21-Oct Kidderminster
22-Oct Glasgow
23-Oct Aberdeen
24-Oct Stirling
28-Oct Stamford
29-Oct Bury St Edmonds
30-Oct Corsham
31-Oct Oxford
04-Nov Worthing
06-Nov Bellaghy
11-Nov Leeds
12-Nov Sunderland
13-Nov Helmsley
14-Nov Pocklington
15-Nov Sheffield
19-Nov Stroud
20-Nov Bridport
21-Nov Exeter
22-Nov Bude
25-Nov Newark
26-Nov Bakewell
27-Nov Chorley
28-Nov Liverpool
30-Nov Bristol
01-Dec Cardiff
04-Dec London

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

This, please.

Prayer for Uninteresting Times

Send me a slow news day,
a quiet, subdued day,
in which nothing much happens of note,
save for the passing of time,
the consumption of wine,
and a re-run of Murder, She Wrote.

Grant me a no news day,
a spare-me-your-views day,
in which nothing much happens at all,
except a few hours together
some regional weather,
a day we can barely recall.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston
@brianbilston@mastodon.online

This poem is dedicated to anyone heading back into work and having to endure dull conversation about what they got up to during the Christmas holidays.

New Year Office Chitchat

How was your Christmas?
you ask

and I think
of the bloodstained rug

and the silent scraping
of the spade

in the garden
at midnight

and the wash wash
washing of my hands

and the dreams,
those endless dreams

which haunt
the night-time

and smudge
their thumbprints

on the day
to come

and I reply
Super, thanks. Yours?