@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

He/Him

Want to give me a million pounds? https://ko-fi.com/thebreadmonkey

Psst ...wanna see some toots?... https://justmytoots.com/@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

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9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Classic James Bond Goldfinger exchange when he's trying to laser him in half, starting with the old chap. In the top panel we see Goldfinger in a snazzy dinner jacket and bowtie. He's looking down at Sean Connery strapped to the table, who's looking up and saying to Goldfinger "Do you expect me to fave?". In the lower panel, Goldfinger is replying "No Mr Bond, I expect you to boost".

Just a little joke.

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Welcome all newcomers to Fedi!

Some cartoon bloke standing in outer space, saying THIS IS A FINE PLACE TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Me, the only non-coder throughout the entire Fediverse, hanging with my Mastodon chums

Cute lil cat in a husky dog outfit on a sofa sandwiched between two husky dogs

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Food

I've moved instance again so am going to do ANOTHER #introduction. I used to be a chef & am Extremely into #food and #cooking. I went #PlantBased / #Vegan 7 years ago for lots of different reasons, but I know this can be a loaded subject and non-vegans won't get any judgement from me. I still do some events & am responsible for all our family events and HOLY CRAP I'VE JUST SEEN THE WORD COUNT HERE! I COULD LITERALLY WRITE WAR AND PEACE! Basically - I love food and innovative cooking and am keen to interact with other like-minded people.

A photographer I am not but my other half maintains an Insta account of the food I make and these are some that people seemed to like.

Food collage....

Roast dins with all the trimmings and some kind of Wellington (I can't remember what I made it from but looks nice)

Air fryer 'cheese & onion' crisps (pretty sure they were garlic powder and nooch - phenomenal crisps but so staggeringly labour-intensive as to not be at all worth it... Look pretty though)

Chocolate hob nobs!

Some kind of tarte tatin - I think this was a pear one

Beautiful roasted tomato and garlic soup with pretty dots of balsamic and some swirls of olive oil

A focaccia, pre-ovened, with olives, half cherry tomatoes and some homemade mozzarella

Food collage....

A closed pie containing mac'n'cheese with 'bacon' bits and brocolli (it was ridiculous)

Toffee popcorn birthday cake with popcorn on the top and toffee dribbling down the side, lit by a ray of sunlight.... FROM THE HEAVENS

Baps, pre-cooked

Two half's of a double layer choc chip cake before assembly

Helix-cut potato on sticks before being brushed with garlic and parsley oil and roasted

A silken tofu spinach and tomato quiche 😋

Another ratatouille in my stupid beaten up pan - can't help it - I love it

Another tarte tatin - I think this is an apple one

An enormous lasagne, pre-cooked - here we see a surface of cheesy bechamel dotted with pesto with swirls of olive oil

Pineapple upside down cake!

My attempt to take an arty pic of some paella - it's in a red casserole with the lid half off, resting on a black and white tablecloth

Pancakes covered in stuff - choc, whipped cream, fruit.... Heaven

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

"In China, driverless delivery vans have become a total meme, they plow through crumbling roads, fresh concrete, motorcycles, anything. Nothing stops them."

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

It's Chriiiiiiistmas nearly. And so I've been looking at prime ministers Christmas cards! 😍

OG and still the best. Tony Blair and wife Cherie pose in a way meant to convey warmth and friendliness but instead comes across as menacing. Tony looks like he'll have you. Cherie's in a nice red frock and he's in a blue suit with light blue shirt (open collar). They look like they have unlimited money and make decisions with far reaching consequences based on no evidence.

Kier Starmer and wife (he is really punching) clapping for some reason (I assume the NHS or free clothes or possibly for Reform). He has blue suit and light blue shirt (no tie) and she is wearing a detective coat and is fit. He has a face that doesn't seem natural to smile. He has a face that suggests wasted potential. The face of a person who squandered the opportunity of a lifetime. She has the face of someone who wants out of that life and to have a brief but wild fling with some ordinary guy off the streets. Perhaps also with a massive amount of wasted potential. Perhaps the sort of person who fills his days writing stupid shit on the Internet.

Yes she was prime minister! Liz Truss. Here we see her as Roweley Birkin QC from the Fast Show. She's sat in what appears to be an exclusive racist gentleman's club. It definitely smells of cigars and cum. I'm not saying she does. She smells like salad and regret. She's wearing bank-wear and is sat in a highback leather seat with a large mirror and traditional clock on a fireplace behind her with Christmas lights and fancy gold detailing and a marble fireplace bit at the front. To one side is one of those comically large flags that look like they're designed for visually impaired people (IT'S A UNION JACK) and on the other side, one of those globe drinks cabinets that's a little too on the nose - English person with enormous privilege stashing booze inside a facsimile of the world. It's mine and I'll use it however I please.

Boris Johnson did do a card. Dressed as Santa up a tree. But this image of him toasting a room full of people in close proximity having an all expenses paid boozy Christmas party at the height of the governments response to Covid, where people suffered and died alone but Boris and pals carried on worse than ever. Suitcases full of booze, cocaine on the toilet cisterns. Having a right old laugh. Being rewarded handsomely. What really truly genuinely terrible awful horrible people. Cartoonishly evil. I wish them and theirs all the absolute worst. May they be properly rewarded for their crimes against humanity. If there was any justice some really terrifically bad things would happen to all of them. Outlandishly bad. Stephen King levels of weird. There was a film called Pandorum with Dennis Quaid and Ben something. And when one of the astronauts awakes from cryosleep he falls down a tube headfirst with arms by his side and gets jammed in there upside down at the end of a long thin tube with no way out or way of moving. That's the most terrifying thing I can imagine. Worse even somehow than the Amigara Fault. And when I think about what these people took from us, from our humanity, with such cavalier disregard and carelessness for the sanctity of life, I think tube the lot of them. I'm not over it. Not by a long shot. It burns.

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Is it just me, or does the Tusky avatar look absolutely off its tits?

Cartoon mammoth with a little blue speech bubble. Eyes like fucking saucers. Like it's done a handful of disco biscuits and doesn't know what planet it's on. You play some rhythmic music and that horny old elephant is going to throw some serious shapes.

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Keep it light mate

Wellness Wednesday

Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Fear, loathing, Las Vegas, depression, acceptance

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

I'm ahead of you all and am already celebrating Christmas 2026

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

The Beatles crashed my Linux

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

There are some weird people on LinkedIn. We're supposed to believe that we're the weirdos and they're the normo's, but I guarantee you're stuck on a desert island with Fedi's and it's fuckn paradise on earth, albeit extremely kooky. But stuck on a desert island with those LinkedIn monsters..... you'd better sleep with one eye open. Immediate devolution into incoherent cannibalistic chaos. Every person for themselves trying to climb to the top of the growing mountain of skulls. Language no longer exists - just tattered suit-wearing animals gutterally shrieking I HOPE YOU'RE WELL! KIND REGARDS! Over on Fedi Island, a couple of neighbours have disagreed on whether coffee or tea is supreme, but they've realised it's subjective and decided to respect each others perspectives and have got together to throw a little party to celebrate both coffee and tea enjoyers (although there is still one berk sat in the corner grumbling that if you like tea it means you hate women). The Linux people have invented an unnecessarily complicated method for catching wildlife, but it keeps them happy and busy. Just pulleys and weights and springs going boing, but it mostly works. The wildlife of course not for food, but to assist in identifying edible plants and mushrooms and verdant areas for growing crops. However what's that our lookout can see?! A boat. Coming from LinkedIn island. The alarm is sounded but we are not prepared.....

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Drink some water you slags x

9.88 Benanas
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

With all of the water used to cool computer related stuff damaging the planet, can't we just throw it all into outer space. It's well cold out there.

Please can someone pay me one million pounds for this and other insights.