Tattie@Tattie@eldritch.cafe
Remembering a moment reasonably early in #transition where I was in boymode and decided to pop into the supermarket.
And as I walked around, I started to notice... looks. Not particularly mean ones, just slightly longer and more curious than I always used to get
And I realised that my clothes might not have been femme, but my body language was. The way I was walking, holding my hands. I was probably reading as rather camp. And it was entirely subconscious. My entire being was just refusing to do the "cishet guy" mask anymore that had protected me thru most of my life.
And in a flash it dawned on me that no matter what I did now, whether I kept transitioning or not, dressed femme or masc, embraced the increasing curviness of my body or disguised it, I was visibly #queer. And would be for the rest of my life. There was no way back anymore, not that I could permit myself.
It's both powerful and scary, when the world has convinced you thru most of your childhood that the only way to be safe is to conform to something that isn't you; to say to yourself "I can't, anymore".
But that is what authenticity is. And authenticity is freedom.