Sven Slootweg, low-spoons mode ("still kinky and horny anyway")@joepie91@fedi.slightly.tech
These apply to everyone*, both online and in dirtspace, even if I don't know you personally (yes, including the intimate ones!), unless you've been told otherwise. If something says "yes", that means you don't need to ask first! If asking is needed, it will say so.
And for completeness' sake, getting blocked is a type of "being told otherwise".
( Strictly speaking not everyone*, but if you've found me here and the rest of my profile hasn't scared you off, then you've passed the filter and you're definitely in the group of people I mean 🙂
)
The short version: I'm okay with a lot more things without asking than most people, especially around intimate things, but I do not want to 'debate' you. The details are below.
## Fedi stuff
- Follow: yes
- Boost things I post: yes, anything that's boostable
- Favorite things I post: yes, always okay
- Link someone to a post of mine: yes, always okay
- Screenshot a post: yes, unless it contains personal information about someone else, or it's a followers-only post
- DMing me: yes
- DMing me nudes: yes!
- Add a hashtag in a reply: ask first
- Reply: see below
## Conversation
- Strike up conversation: yes
- Infodump: yes please!
- Flirting with me: yes please! But if you're too coy about it, I may not recognize it, being blunt usually works better if you want something to happen
- Talking about lewd or kinky things: yes please! Though ask first for graphical descriptions of injury
- Asking questions: yes, personal questions also fine
- Discussion: yes, but not debate, only discussion with the goal of furthering mutual understanding
- Promoting your favourite thing: no, unless I asked for suggestions
- ... but, sharing your own projects: yes please!
- Venting towards me personally: ask first
- Asking me for help: yes, can't guarantee I can help, but don't hesitate to ask
- Repeating fascist/ableist/racist/sexist/transphobic/etc. talking points at me: absolutely not, unless you're looking to get yelled at and made very uncomfortable (in which case, if that's your kink, there are better ways to get there)
## Touch and intimacy
For intimate things, use your best judgment on whether it's appropriate to do in a shared or public space; personally I have no issues with it (hell, I'm an exhibitionist) but do keep in mind the needs and boundaries of other people in shared spaces. That having been said, public displays of affection should be normalized, especially for queer folks.
- Asking for interest/consent: yes, and please do so bluntly! There are a lot of things that I'm (almost) always okay with, and even things that you don't need to ask about at all, but I encourage talking about consent in general, and there is a lot more that I will probably agree to if you are willing to talk about it for a bit!
- Hugs: yes
- Touching me: yes, I encourage it
- Touching me intimately: yes, in any way
- Groping: yes
- Cuddling: yes
- Kissing: ask first
- Fucking me: yes (but this probably only makes sense in intimate settings, but *you don't need to ask* as long as it is done safely)
- Restraining me for kinky/lewd purposes: yes (but likewise)
- Undressing me: yes (but likewise)
- Manhandling me: yes (but likewise)
- Recording/sharing intimate things: yes, but I can't give that permission for others
- Everything else: ask! And I can probably give you an additional list of what is okay *for you, personally* to do without asking.
If I seem taken aback by intimate contact, that's usually just a reflexive response because of sudden sensory input; it's not an indication that it's unwanted. My body language is not reliable. If I have a problem with something, I will tell you so explicitly!
Like, I want to really emphasize this: I basically always crave touch, I'm almost always horny, and I'm very kinky. I understand exactly what I'm agreeing to here, and I mean it - you will not get in trouble for taking these things as literally as written. I have considered the risks involved, and they are acceptable to me.
The only important thing is that you understand and accept "no" without question; CNC is something that requires negotiation first.