Brutkey

Charlie Stross
@cstross@wandering.shop

1/ Obviously—and immediately—all trains in and out of Edinburgh, Scotland's capital, are going to be delayed, because the nation's second busiest railway station, Waverley, was built on the drained Nor Loch—"a noxious swamp" where they used to drown witches—in the early 1840s. Obviously they tried to drown more than witches there, and a very peevish (and somewhat moist) undead sorcerer is awakening and will ruin the day of Edinburgh-Glasgow rush hour commuters.

Charlie Stross
@cstross@wandering.shop

2/ That eldritch and terrifying thing you can see rising from the waters of Loch Ness is not an antediluvian sea monster: it's a necromancer's palace, complete with necromancer-in-residence.

Presently a company of spectral warriors mounted on nightmares will going to ride forth along the A82, sent to report back to their undead master about what ilk of giants built this uncannily wide, smooth road.

There will be a Range Rover accident …