this isn’t at all rhetorical btw, i am wondering about specific answers for people reading this. in all likelihood you are the kinds of people i want to make friends with so this is pragmatic information
@chrisamaphone@hci.social I feel like my headspace is normally too cluttered for me to make friends easily. during the last decade (leaving out people from work or online) I've made a few friends via outdoor activities, I suppose it's easier in that context because I'm not thinking about my usual stuff
@chrisamaphone@hci.social on the other hand, I don't really consider someone a real friend unless they pass the 3am test ("would you call them at 3am without a second thought, and would they feel the same") and I don't think anyone I've met in the last decade falls into that category, even though I've met people during that time period who I like a lot
@regehr@mastodon.social yeah I feel like the kind of thing i’m thinking is more like “you’d go out of your way to show up for each others birthday parties”
@chrisamaphone@hci.social maybe the 3 levels of friendship should be:
- would you go out of your way to go to their birthday party
- would you feel OK calling them at 3am
- would you feel OK calling them at 3am to ask them to help you hide a body
@regehr@mastodon.social @chrisamaphone@hci.social next question: which of these friendship levels require you to declare the person as a conflict on the ASPLOS PC?
@dan@discuss.systems @regehr@mastodon.social idk about asplos but I was definitely surprised that, when declaring conflicts for the popl paper i submitted last year, “we attended each other’s weddings” was vetoed as criteria!
@chrisamaphone@hci.social @regehr@mastodon.social one year one of the criteria was "would you invite this person to stay in your home?" which forced me to make a lot of difficult decisions about people in the ASPLOS community
@chrisamaphone@hci.social @regehr@mastodon.social but yeah, more generally I am surprised when sometimes "I know this person extremely well" or even "I have talked about the paper under review with this person" are explicitly not conflicts, and sometimes they are
@dan@discuss.systems @chrisamaphone@hci.social the whole conflict thing is weird anyway, like are we just pretending I can't have a personal reason for loving or hating a paper just because I last collaborated with one of its authors more than 3 years ago?
@regehr@mastodon.social @chrisamaphone@hci.social there's also the ACM's conflict policy on "Notable personal or professional rivalry/animosity (publicly known or not)"...
@dan@discuss.systems @chrisamaphone@hci.social "every rule exists because something happened"
chris martens
John Regehr