David Coombe@david_coombe_cbr@aus.social
Mum said she thought Dad might have a new girlfriend. He hadn't visited her in "hospital".
Mum has #dementia. Dad died 25 years ago. They were happily married for 45 years. (This challenging conversation had a very positive outcome.)
Mum repeated this girlfriend thing a few times and I resisted the obvious head-on factual approach and was replying "Dad wouldn't do that Mum".
Mum wasn't retrieving #memory from the "right" time. I wondered if a different hook might help.
I asked Mum, Do you remember when you last saw Dad? No. Do you remember Dad at home in W---? Yes! Do you remember Dad getting sick, having treatment and you working hard looking after him? Yes! And then he went to ---- Hospital? Yes! (Mum and I came up with the hospital name simultaneously.) And Dad died? Yes.
I saw the realisation on Mum's face. She wasn't distressed; she looked reassured. At this stage Mum had accessed a memory by coming from a different angle.
We talked about Dad a bit more. Mum even revealed she'd sneakily scattered some of Dad's ashes at our T--- family home. I don't recall that story myself!
Mum thanked me for reminiscing and helping her remember. It was a gentle joyful moment.
(This week, together with my son, I visited Mum for a few days. Mum is in an aged facility, 1200km away from me and even further from him.)