Brutkey

ww 🩶
@ww@xyzzy.link

drug that makes you less weird to the point of turning into a normie. you take it before bed. next morning you wake up, shower and get dressed, then put on your apple watch and go on a morning run. you start a conversation with a dogwalker you know about how hard it is to find a good kindergarten. after that, you come back home and eat eggs for breakfast. you wake up your kids, and later drive them to school in the pickup truck that you got from your ex (he got to keep the house tho).

you go to work at the starbucks. you flirt with one of the customers and he invites you to a bar for a drink tonight. your coworkers make fun of you (lightheartedly). once your shift is over, you buy dinner at mcdonald's and pick up your kids from school. you tell them that you're busy tonight, but they don't mind since they're getting mcdonald's for dinner in return. you also notice that your son, who's older, smells of tobacco. however you decide to put that conversation off till next week maybe.

you put on a pretty dress and head out. the guy is late to meet you at the bar. the conversation starts lovely, but eventually he gets so excited to tell you his stories that he doesn't notice that you want to switch the topic and keeps interrupting you. bored and mildly woozy, all you can focus on is the missing button on his shirt. you also notice the red skin on his ring finger—must've taken the ring off right before entering the bar—and wonder if his wife knows what he's up to.

it's getting late. he awkwardly invites you to join him at a hotel. despite being fairly drunk, you resist the desire to agree, and make plans to see each other at the church next sunday. apparently his wife won't be joining.

you call a cab. the driver doesn't say much, but he does occasionally stare at you in the rear view mirror. it's somewhat unsettling, but you try not to worry. you slowly realize that you're high, or rather, were high. you remember that you don't have kids and you don't work at a starbucks. somehow the car arrives at the correct address. it's the apartment of a lonely and terminally online girl.

you take off your clothes and sit in bed with your laptop. you write a tripreport and send it to a discord server full of other lonely and terminally online girls hiding behind anime avatars. a few of them react with a vomiting emoji. the urge to pray before going to bed comes and goes in waves. your phone lights up with a slack notification. apparently your real coworkers spent the whole day trying to reset the firewall, but couldn't quite figure it out. you check your email and see a $300 bill. startled at first, you realize that you need to stop renewing at least a few of your unused domains. however after signing into the registrar panel, you get distracted and add cutegirlsbeing.gay to your collection instead.

imported green :rainforest_frog: (made in russia)
@green@ice.ch3.st

both characters here, the normie and the sysadmin, have their life suck in two very distinct ways.

the normie is divorced. she has to take care of two kids all on her own. even as she has a low paying miserable job. one of her kids is getting into trouble. she has no close friends anymore. only a guy in the dog park to talk to sometimes. she's dating an unkempt cheater. i can't imagine that relationship is gonna go very well. she is tired, but that's normal. everything is fine. she will survive.

the sysadmin spends all her time at home and lives alone. she has a high paying job, but doesn't wanna do that, because its always too much thinking. it is the only job she can reliably do tho. all she can do with that money is spend it on domains and drugs. she might be dating 3 faggots on fedi at once, but that doesn't help her not feeling lonely. the sex she has might be very kinky, but it doesn't feel real or satisfying, because it's always with a new person. all of her friends are cynical. they all communicate thru a layer of memes, shitposting and postironic references. always thinking who to cancel next. arguing about fedi meta every other week. she has no spoons to clean and her room is a mess, that hasn't been touched in 2 months. something is subtly wrong. everything is subtly wrong. if she were to kill herself tomorrow, or overdoes on drugs, will anyone even notice? will anyone remember her after 2 weeks?

unlike the normie, she knows that her life sucks. she is ashamed of being so weird... and she takes drugs to feel normal again. to stop being self aware.

but also, taking a few months to process that trip, she might realize that there is something good about being a normie too. and achieve a kind of dialectic synthesis of normies and sysadmin. a sysadmin who goes outside on some days and has friends who unironically love her. maybe... eventually... some day.. maybe we all can heal