Sophie@sophiesometimes@anarres.family
New server, new #introduction! Hi, I'm Sophie (I sometimes go by Soph depending on the context and how #enby I'm feeling in the situation). In July 2023 I finally connected the dots and realized that spending my entire life wishing that I was a girl probably meant that I'm a girl. 🐣
In February of 2024 I got sick of running on the wrong hormones and started estradiol monotherapy HRT, which has absolutely kickstarted the process of making me feel at home in my body. 💉
But while I'm quite sure I'm trans, and a (demi-?)girl, I'm still figuring out what that means practically for my life. Some days I feel genderless and very nonbinary, and others I am 100% convinced that I will end up as the girliest girl out there.
My username, @sophiesometimes@anarres.family, is a bit of an anachronism at this point as I'm Sophie all the time now. But it still reflects the part of me that will probably continue to dabble in gender the rest of my life. In case you're wondering, yes, I was inspired by the song Charlotte Sometimes by The Cure, which was inspired by the book of the same name by Penelope Farmer.
So I'm at the point in my transition that TBH most of the interesting things about me are the gendery things, but I do have other parts to my life:
* I'm in my early 50s and yes, that is a really long time to have to pretend you're a guy when you're not. It sucked.
* I've been absolutely crazy about music (especially indie-flavored music) literally my entire life. Some of my current favorites are yeule, NewDad, and Blair Lee. But I'm allowing myself to like music that I told myself I wasn't allowed to like "because I was a guy," like Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodridgo, and Billie Eilish. And yes, I listen to girl in red, in case you were wondering.
* I've worked in IT my entire life, but am currently unemployed and have reached the age where it's really difficult to find jobs in the field. I have no other marketable skills, so this has been more than a little stressful. Ideally, I would love to write iOS apps and have written a few for myself, but I don't have a track record to prove I can do it so - yeah. I probably will just do what I've been trained to do (Java development), if I can find someone willing to hire me for that.
* I'm an exvangelical, Buddhist-curious mystic who still is drawn to the liturgies, symbols, and mystics of the church, but I can't ever call myself Christian again because it means something that I am not willing to be associated with. I have a lot of religious trauma that I haven't dealt with in the same way I haven't dealt with the cPTSD of being trans because it was just the water I was swimming in. I'm guessing I will be dealing with this the rest of my life. But I can't give it up entirely because I've had some experiences that make me think that there is an essential "isness" to the universe that is love and is holding us, even though it does not have the power to counter all the bullshit in our life. I don't understand why. But it gives me comfort in a strange way.
* In a prior life I was a blogger so I may write some epic longposts from time to time while I process stuff. Sorry about that. 🙃
#introductions