Fesshole 🧻
Fesshole 🧻Father of two daughters. Started sitting down to pee when they were toddlers so if they walked in they'd see how it was done. 10 years later still doing it; so much more comfortable; less drips and no mess. Men; ignore the propaganda, sit to pee.
Fesshole 🧻You lucky cunts who don't have or work with kids have no idea how lucky you are you don't have to hear "6-7" every minute of the day. Genuinely feel like just disappearing and living off the grid.
Fesshole 🧻When I was 8 I picked up the Chinese since it was round the corner. One time bossman handed me an extra chicken ball and I ate it from his hand like a deer. Everyone behind the counter erupted with laughter soon as I left. I'm 24 and it still haunts me.
Fesshole 🧻Told a co-worker I'm colour-blind because she kept writing in yellow pen and I hated it. Manager overheard, asked if I struggle with our software, I had to keep the lie going. Now they've spent thousands upgrading it for colour-blind accessibility. Oops.
Fesshole 🧻Our French school teacher was called Mr Segar. Every time he walked into the room the whole class would cry out "SEGAAA…!" akin to the start of Sega Megadrive games. He always asked why we did it but to my knowledge no one ever told him.
Fesshole 🧻I thought I wanted to be in a poly relationship. I was wrong. I just love diary management and planning.
Fesshole 🧻I buy stuffed animals at yard sales for my dog. They never hit the floor before being savagely eviscerated of their stuffing, then gnawed to shreds. The children selling their old toys often say "I hope your kid likes it as much as I did." I say "thanks" like a monster.
Fesshole 🧻Me and my wife are in our thirties and neither of us know how to use a tin opener properly. We only buy tins if they have the ring pull on top.
Fesshole 🧻Fake proposed to my girlfriend for a joke on holiday. She started crying and was so happy. Felt so bad I couldn't tell her it was a joke. Anyway we're getting married next year.
Fesshole 🧻My wife and I were having a row. I drove past her on my way home while she was walking the dog. The dog shit and she didn't pick it up. I made an anonymous post on our local Facebook community forum calling her out. She saw it and has been sulking about it for weeks. Petty win.