Fesshole 🧻
Fesshole 🧻When I see a beautiful house I can't afford being advertised by estate agents on Facebook, I sometimes write 'Stunning house, but I couldn't live there after what happened' in the comments, then sit back and watch the replies.
Fesshole 🧻At a party once I did a huge poo, took a picture of it on my mates phone, an old pre smart phone Nokia, and set it as the screen saver. I then set the phone's language to Turkish. He had to take his phone to his local kebab shop to get them to change the language back to English.
Fesshole 🧻Had to delay getting a mortgage because I had to wait for the £235 payment to Love Honey to clear from the last 3 months bank statements
Fesshole 🧻Just about the best thing about being a teacher is watching kids delight in stationery. That's right, Olivia. Four-colour ballpoints ARE fucking awesome. You'll lose all interest in about two years.
Fesshole 🧻Used to be a dominatrix. Once had a famous client who loved watersports. He slipped in my piss and knocked himself out cold. I honestly thought I'd killed him. All I could think was: "The Daily Mail is going to love this"
Fesshole 🧻I'm more bald than not. But evenly distributed, not in patches. I have just bought a large bottle of shampoo designed to promote shedding in dogs. With luck, a few washes with this and I'll have completed my balding process.
Fesshole 🧻Road rager attacked me in the street. I caught the reg of the driver. Ordered a set of show plates and attached them to a hire car of a similar model. Speeding past a few cameras, unpaid parking on CCTV, CC & ULEZ trip. Wish I was there when the fines hit their doormat.
Fesshole 🧻Used to work for a major broadband provider. For years there was no procedure for recycling the old returned routers, so they just used to go in the bin. Felt bad, but only about 10% of customers even bothered to return them anyway
Fesshole 🧻I stay at my mum's home each summer and I spend this time returning her charity post, marking each one with 'No longer at this address'. Can't have my inheritance ending up with a sick donkey in Greece.
Fesshole 🧻When my son was 5 we used to avoid standing on the cracks in the pavement. I still have to do it thirty years later and I'm 62