Fesshole 🧻
Fesshole 🧻Missed out on a massive sale years ago as a trainee estate agent. Was warned about viewings with time wasters and dreamers so was a bit sniffy with a casually dressed woman. Turns out she was married to a film star who was away filming. Never judged a book by it's cover since.
Fesshole 🧻I write my wife poems - funny and affectionate - and she has sex with me that evening, or once, gave a post lunch BJ. I only started writing them a year ago, but the stress of keeping them far enough apart to ensure she still views them lovingly is consuming me.
Fesshole 🧻On cold wintry days, I goto my multiplex cinema with a ticket for a specific film. As it ends, I walk into a different screening and take in that film too. A little research on timings and I can watch four films. Beer / wine in the water bottle and I'm winning.
Fesshole 🧻Ex broke up with me a year and a half ago. She removed me from all social media, but whenever she looks at my profile on LinkedIn it makes me momentarily happy/emotional. I miss you.
Fesshole 🧻My 10 year old son recently remarked how my Football Manager game "looks like work stuff" which inspired me to create a Microsoft Excel themed game skin. I can pretty much do a season a day and play at work undetected.
Fesshole 🧻When having frozen pizza's for dinner I'll take slices of pepperoni off my girlfriends pizza and put it on mine so I have more.
Fesshole 🧻I found a former friend's missing wallet down the back of my couch a few weeks ago. None of the money he owes me is in it but his driving licence has been working like a charm for all the ID registering websites are making me do now.
Fesshole 🧻As a young child, a dinner lady berated me for drawing in chalk on a school path and made me wash it off. Now, as a teacher in the same school, I frequently get the kids drawing in chalk on the same path as a low level fuck you to the old bat
Fesshole 🧻Canadian, once met international students from UK. Tried telling them I did something stupid, and referred to myself as a nonce. Still think about their reaction to this day.
Fesshole 🧻Our first child's initial is C and their sister is U. Just found out that we have twins due and the temptation to choose names beginning with N and T may kill me. For the avoidance of doubt, it will not be Nigel under any circumstances.