Fesshole 🧻
@fesshole@mastodon.social
Me and my wife are in our thirties and neither of us know how to use a tin opener properly. We only buy tins if they have the ring pull on top.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Fake proposed to my girlfriend for a joke on holiday. She started crying and was so happy. Felt so bad I couldn't tell her it was a joke. Anyway we're getting married next year.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
My wife and I were having a row. I drove past her on my way home while she was walking the dog. The dog shit and she didn't pick it up. I made an anonymous post on our local Facebook community forum calling her out. She saw it and has been sulking about it for weeks. Petty win.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Someone on the train has just answered a call with "Sorry, I can't speak, I'm on a train". For a moment I thought the carriage was going to break into applause for them.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: Liverpool, Leicester, Leeds, Sweden (Malmö, GÖTEBORG, STOCKHOLM), also Anon Opin In London / Leicester https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
BOOK(s): https://amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21
Add your fess: http://b3ta.com/addfess
FAQ: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xbmKWlosI_Ac6NMi8PzxupaIH-_twlp4ZGJE961X5wE
PODCAST: https://audioboom.com/channels/5133334-fesshole-the-podcast
Fesshole run/edited by Rob Manuel of http://b3ta.com
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
I'm a model & actress. A few years ago I was hired by an elderly gentleman who was terminally ill to attend his funeral and stand around looking bereft and hot and mysterious. I took the fee but didn't bother going. Hasn't asked for his money back so far.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Managed to introduce "synergistic frictivation" into the company lexicon after using it in a strategy document to test if anyone reads them. Now, senior management uses it in presentations as if it's gospel. Last week, someone suggested we "frictivate our verticals".
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Our cat dragged back a baby rabbit earlier this year. It started a competition with my neighbour. Her cat has accumulated 114 points to my cat's 121. The cats don't know they're competing but we do coo at their kills.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Was heavily into the whole no-branding thing in the 2000s. Never wore clothes with slogans or logos. Eschewed big brands. Bought a dog. Refused to name him. After six months, succumbed to peer pressure and called it Ian. Never responded to it. Just came and went as it pleased.
Fesshole 🧻@fesshole@mastodon.social
Once, when we couldn't find the cat's dish, we fed her from a normal plate. I know which plate we used for cat food, and ever since I have avoided using it to eat off myself, even though it's been washed a million times. No qualms with letting the wife & kids eat off it though