Notes | Brutkey

I just had to lie to my wife about why I was tearful. It was because I'd been reading the Wikipedia page about Catherine of Aragon. What that woman went through. I had no idea.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

Our cat's dying and will have to be put down. But the vet's assured me that we can have the body back. I want to remove her sweet little nose, cast it in transparent acrylic, and display it on our coffee table.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

Four years ago I bought my wife a small glass bell and told her that she could ring it any time day or night and I would come and pleasure her. That bell has never sounded.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

Went into dominos to pick up my order. Wasn't ready yet, noticed someone called David hadn't picked theirs up yet. Messaged my mate out in the car and he came in and collected David's order. We ended up with double the pizza

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

I always walk the long way to go to work or come home. I only do this because my nose works. There's a McDonalds on the short route and it smells horrific. There's a chippy on the long route which smells magnificent.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

TICKETS FOR THE SHOWS:

Fesshole Live
Leicester 14 Feb '26
Leeds 4 Mar '26
Luton 12 Mar '26
Glasgow 16 Mar '26
Malmö, Sweden 23 Apr '26
Göteborg, Sweden 24 Apr '26
Stockholm, Sweden 25 Apr '26

Anon Opin Live
Leicester 12/13 Feb '26
Glasgow 17 Mar '26
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

I was booked to play a small tent at a festival years ago. I turned up and there was some kind of booking clash so I ended up playing in front of thousands of people. I cleared the tent within 30 minutes. No idea who I was meant to be but I had a great time.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

I've worked in IT since 1983, and seen many trends come and go, but this new thing of Junior Devs using mechanical keyboards is killing me. Just because you've got a keyboard that clicks doesn't mean that you're in any way competent. I think I might be done.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

My local foxhunt think I'm a huge supporter. Truth is I've been using the info to secretly sab them for years. I've passed on proof about illegal hunting that has had two people arrested & definitely helped get trail hunting banned. Regret nothing.

Fesshole 🧻

@fesshole@mastodon.social

After nursery school we ate lunch in the garden with my little brother. When we came in there were crumbs on the grass and I suggested we hoover. Mum explained that the birds would eat anything left on the grass. I cried as my little brother was still out there!