Alex HaistI must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul. she/her/queer #ADHD #UrbanForestry #wolves #coyotes #furry #SFF #disability
Avatar: Picture of Alex, a 30s woman of Euromutt/Ashkenazi Jewish descent with short dark hair.
etruscan boar, ceramicCoworker got jalapeños because I did, now he’s mad because his mouth hurts and I am fine, love to win a contest I didn’t even know I was participating in
Alex Haist@checkervest@laserdisc.party lol congratulations
Alex HaistI was still crazy. The essence of the feeling was that I was fundamentally untrustworthy. I was an imposter to competence, someone who could never quite get it together. ADHD diagnosis helped, and so did the focus meds. You see, the better you can focus, the better you can ignore pain. But I kept being unreliable from what I thought of as emotional exhaustion. Spoiler: it wasn't emotional.
Alex HaistBecause of the hyper mobility, every time I exerted myself, I overstrained every involved ligament and tendon. It was like a background static in my head. I know now it was pain because of the way I moved: fast, like I was tossing a hot potato from hand to hand. I know now that crying panic attacks when required to move with slow awareness were a sign that moving hurt, and focusing on the pain was distressing.
Alex HaistAll my life, I have hurt myself when I move. This is a big hand wave, but because nothing whatsoever appeared to be wrong with me according to doctors, everyone, me included, explained and even processed the physical pain as emotional distress. Mood swings. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I had so many years of therapy, and they were a huge help in managing my rollercoaster brain. The psych meds helped, too.
Alex HaistI was still crazy. The essence of the feeling was that I was fundamentally untrustworthy. I was an imposter to competence, someone who could never quite get it together. ADHD diagnosis helped, and so did the focus meds. You see, the better you can focus, the better you can ignore pain. But I kept being unreliable from what I thought of as emotional exhaustion. Spoiler: it wasn't emotional.
Alex HaistBackground: I am physically disabled. I had a slipped rib digging into my intercostal nerve for a year plus. Surgery to remove the rib saved my life in 2020. After surgery I could eat without horrible pain and nausea, but I have wild pain when I physically exert myself at all. I got a hyper mobile EDS diagnosis, which has led me to my current theory:
It is the way I am moving, not just the fact I am moving, that hurts me.
Alex HaistAll my life, I have hurt myself when I move. This is a big hand wave, but because nothing whatsoever appeared to be wrong with me according to doctors, everyone, me included, explained and even processed the physical pain as emotional distress. Mood swings. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I had so many years of therapy, and they were a huge help in managing my rollercoaster brain. The psych meds helped, too.
Alex HaistBackground: I am physically disabled. I had a slipped rib digging into my intercostal nerve for a year plus. Surgery to remove the rib saved my life in 2020. After surgery I could eat without horrible pain and nausea, but I have wild pain when I physically exert myself at all. I got a hyper mobile EDS diagnosis, which has led me to my current theory:
It is the way I am moving, not just the fact I am moving, that hurts me.
Alex Haist
Alex HaistHouse finch soaking up the sun.
Alex HaistThe sun got a goldfinch, too.
Alex HaistHouse finch soaking up the sun.
Alex HaistMolting birds make me giggly with their scruffiness. This poor grosbeak, usually the height of style with black waistcoat and red cravat, reduced to this!
Alex HaistI was still crazy. The essence of the feeling was that I was fundamentally untrustworthy. I was an imposter to competence, someone who could never quite get it together. ADHD diagnosis helped, and so did the focus meds. You see, the better you can focus, the better you can ignore pain. But I kept being unreliable from what I thought of as emotional exhaustion. Spoiler: it wasn't emotional.
Alex HaistBecause of the hyper mobility, every time I exerted myself, I overstrained every involved ligament and tendon. It was like a background static in my head. I know now it was pain because of the way I moved: fast, like I was tossing a hot potato from hand to hand. I know now that crying panic attacks when required to move with slow awareness were a sign that moving hurt, and focusing on the pain was distressing.
Alex HaistAll my life, I have hurt myself when I move. This is a big hand wave, but because nothing whatsoever appeared to be wrong with me according to doctors, everyone, me included, explained and even processed the physical pain as emotional distress. Mood swings. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I had so many years of therapy, and they were a huge help in managing my rollercoaster brain. The psych meds helped, too.
Alex HaistI was still crazy. The essence of the feeling was that I was fundamentally untrustworthy. I was an imposter to competence, someone who could never quite get it together. ADHD diagnosis helped, and so did the focus meds. You see, the better you can focus, the better you can ignore pain. But I kept being unreliable from what I thought of as emotional exhaustion. Spoiler: it wasn't emotional.
Alex HaistBackground: I am physically disabled. I had a slipped rib digging into my intercostal nerve for a year plus. Surgery to remove the rib saved my life in 2020. After surgery I could eat without horrible pain and nausea, but I have wild pain when I physically exert myself at all. I got a hyper mobile EDS diagnosis, which has led me to my current theory:
It is the way I am moving, not just the fact I am moving, that hurts me.
Alex HaistAll my life, I have hurt myself when I move. This is a big hand wave, but because nothing whatsoever appeared to be wrong with me according to doctors, everyone, me included, explained and even processed the physical pain as emotional distress. Mood swings. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I had so many years of therapy, and they were a huge help in managing my rollercoaster brain. The psych meds helped, too.
Alex HaistBackground: I am physically disabled. I had a slipped rib digging into my intercostal nerve for a year plus. Surgery to remove the rib saved my life in 2020. After surgery I could eat without horrible pain and nausea, but I have wild pain when I physically exert myself at all. I got a hyper mobile EDS diagnosis, which has led me to my current theory:
It is the way I am moving, not just the fact I am moving, that hurts me.