Edmonds_Scanner
Edmonds_ScannerWe will always face mountains before us, but you don't always need to struggle up.
Use dynamite to tunnel through.
Summon a giant eagle to carry you over.
Or disappear into the hollow earth beneath, and start a new life with the deep gnomes & mole people.
Edmonds_ScannerYour daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like scissors - a useful tool, a dangerous weapon, and a terrible running companion.
Edmonds_ScannerWhat's your favorite color?
Edmonds_ScannerIn these trying times, it's good to treat yourself.
- procure some enchanting pants
- throw a party for your mind goblins
- color your hair to match your favorite nebula
- eat a block of cheese the size of a car battery
You deserve all this and more.
Edmonds_ScannerYour daily horoscope:
Today you will feel like the Power Rangers - colorful, goofy, and ready to punch weird space aliens in the face.
Edmonds_ScannerWhat's your favorite combination?
Edmonds_ScannerYou may have heard a rumor that the forest will swallow you whole and spit out your bones.
This is not true.
The forest will also devour your bones, as they are quite delicious.
Edmonds_ScannerAlways try your best.
Be the laziest slacker in town.
Read a frightening number of books.
Drink more boozy milkshakes than is medically advised.
Be the best and most haunted creature in the cheese aisle at the market; the one people look at with awe and terror.
Edmonds_ScannerIf you don't feel like yourself today, here are some disguises to wear out into the world:
- forlorn tugboat captain
- library detective
- sexy pine tree
- dagger witch
- ancient forest god of gloom & malice
Edmonds_ScannerMost economists agree that by the time you're 45, you should own:
- a variety of capes
- at least two enchanted talking skulls
- one square mile of the moon
- a hovercraft capable of outrunning the law
- a ghost filled mansion on the moors
How are you doing?