Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsA system exists where amounts of money as low as one penny can be transferred from someone present to someone not present with zero fees and zero surveillance, and the payment terminals don't even require electricity
I know because I've seen barns full of the damn things
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsGranted they're usually on quarter mechs and will require a damn good scrub to remove the last lonely gumballs
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsIt's 2026 and I'm walking to the corner shop with a tenner in my pocket to get a receipt with a number on it that I can put into Itch.io to buy a janky action RPG about pissing on credit card CEOs
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsA system exists where amounts of money as low as one penny can be transferred from someone present to someone not present with zero fees and zero surveillance, and the payment terminals don't even require electricity
I know because I've seen barns full of the damn things
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsI don't know if the shops were even getting a cut or if they just figured folk would buy a bag of Monster Munch when they went in to pay their bill
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsIt's 2026 and I'm walking to the corner shop with a tenner in my pocket to get a receipt with a number on it that I can put into Itch.io to buy a janky action RPG about pissing on credit card CEOs
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsHey remember when you were an early-20's fuckup so untrustworthy that even the electric company wouldn't trust you with a month's worth of leccy without cash in hand up front?
Remember how that worked out after the clockwork pound-coin-operated electric meters?
Aye you'd walk down to the corner shop and give them a ten pound note and you got a number to put into the electric meter
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsI don't know if the shops were even getting a cut or if they just figured folk would buy a bag of Monster Munch when they went in to pay their bill
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsHey remember when to put money on your phone you walked to the corner shop or petrol station and gave them cash and got a number to put in your phone
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsHey remember when you were an early-20's fuckup so untrustworthy that even the electric company wouldn't trust you with a month's worth of leccy without cash in hand up front?
Remember how that worked out after the clockwork pound-coin-operated electric meters?
Aye you'd walk down to the corner shop and give them a ten pound note and you got a number to put into the electric meter
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsChrist I wish cryptocurrency was real and not just a scam
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsHey remember when to put money on your phone you walked to the corner shop or petrol station and gave them cash and got a number to put in your phone
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsProgrammer Art: crude, crappy temporary graphics that you put in a game while you figure out if the mechanics are fun enough to bother finishing it and sorting out a proper artist before release
Programmer Naming: a crude, crappy temporary name that you keep forever and ever amen, twenty years later the top question on your FAQ page is NO, we will NOT change the name, in fact we consider that it is YOU SIR who art being CRINGE,
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsNow obviously if you write software that you want to change the world, if you want it to be liberating and transformative and affirming and empowering, then you want LOTS of people to be liberated and transformed and affirmed and empowered, so you should name your software something that's ideally inspiring but at the very least not horrifically off-putting
But if you want to make a calculator app called Fat Daddy Slickfingers for a laugh then absolutely go for it lol
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsLike in the pub you might overhear
🐴
You thought of a better name for your handyman business yet
🦊
Well, you didn't like Mister Fingers so,
🐴 Aye I didn't
🦊 It suggested DEXTEROUS and NIMBLE
🐴 No it didn't
🦊 Alright so I had a think, thought "Age, continuity, experience, competence, reassurance,"
🐴 Good, so...
🦊 Daddy Fingers
🐴 No
🦊 ...BIG Daddy Fingers
🐴 No,
🦊 Fat Daddy Slickfingers
But with computers it's just you, alone and naked at 2am, just you and the rubber duck you're holding up like Hamlet with poor Yorick's skull and asking
🐺
Should I name my calculator app Fat Daddy Slickfingers
🦆
no response
🐺 ...do you have any objection to my naming this app Fat Daddy Slickfingers
🦆 ...
🐺 Then it's settled
There's nobody there to tell you no, just the rubber duck and he can't talk, only weep, weep for daddy fingers
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsProgrammer Art: crude, crappy temporary graphics that you put in a game while you figure out if the mechanics are fun enough to bother finishing it and sorting out a proper artist before release
Programmer Naming: a crude, crappy temporary name that you keep forever and ever amen, twenty years later the top question on your FAQ page is NO, we will NOT change the name, in fact we consider that it is YOU SIR who art being CRINGE,
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsThis isn't as much of a problem with other endeavours as it is with computer endeavours
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsLike in the pub you might overhear
🐴 You thought of a better name for your handyman business yet
🦊 Well, you didn't like Mister Fingers so,
🐴 Aye I didn't
🦊 It suggested DEXTEROUS and NIMBLE
🐴 No it didn't
🦊 Alright so I had a think, thought "Age, continuity, experience, competence, reassurance,"
🐴 Good, so...
🦊 Daddy Fingers
🐴 No
🦊 ...BIG Daddy Fingers
🐴 No,
🦊 Fat Daddy Slickfingers
But with computers it's just you, alone and naked at 2am, just you and the rubber duck you're holding up like Hamlet with poor Yorick's skull and asking
🐺 Should I name my calculator app Fat Daddy Slickfingers
🦆 no response
🐺 ...do you have any objection to my naming this app Fat Daddy Slickfingers
🦆 ...
🐺 Then it's settled
There's nobody there to tell you no, just the rubber duck and he can't talk, only weep, weep for daddy fingers
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops🐧
As we all know, early intervention is important. Schools are overwhelmingly teaching children to use proprietary software, which in addition to being against the spirit of liberation in computing, can be considered basically equivalent to a competition-stifling government handout to already-rich corporations, ensuring their customer base into the next generation.
🐧 Unfortunately I myself have been banned from the premises but if anybody else wants to bring up ANUS to their local school board at the next meeting,
Dan Fixes Coin-OpsThis isn't as much of a problem with other endeavours as it is with computer endeavours